As you well know, payday lenders are pure evil. Their fees are outrageous, and even the Attorney General of Arizona knows that payday lenders are just out to hurt people. Payday loan signs are flashy and ugly, and they lower your property value.
What you may not know, however, is just how deep this problem goes. Here are the top 10 other bad things payday loans are responsible for:
10. Payday loans killed John Kennedy. Everyone, by now, knows that President Kennedy was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald, who was acting alone. What you may not know is that the gun used by Oswald was actually purchased with funds he got at a Dallas-area Payday Loan store.
9. Payday loan stores are run by aliens. While it isn’t certain exactly what percentage of payday loan stores are run directly by aliens, authorities are fairly certain that aliens are in charge of at least most of the national payday loan chains.
8. Payday loans created the H1N1 virus. Not only are payday loans responsible for the millions of H1N1 deaths around the globe, they also tricked an unwitting public into calling it the “Swine Flu,” causing untold financial hardship to pig farmers everywhere.
7. Carrot Top.
6. Payday loans don’t actually go until payday. According to a listener to the Coast to Coast AM program, at least one payday lender actually extended a payday loan for 14 days, which was more than 5 days after the borrower’s actual payday.
5. Payday loans abused young boys. In a cover-up of epic proportions, it’s now been revealed that payday loans have repeatedly made sexually suggestive remarks to young neighborhood boys.
4. Payday loans caused 9/11. The 9/11 Truth movement has recently uncovered information that the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were not an inside job, but rather caused by disgruntled payday loan borrowers.
3. Payday loans lead to fruit flies. While simple vinegar traps can get rid of fruit flies this time of year, disaster looms for the coming summer months.
2. Payday loans ate your sandwich. Even though you painstakingly labeled your leftover Monte Cristo halves from Bennigans, Payday Loans threw all caution to the wind and ate your sandwich.
1. *(Payday loans have threatened to harm the writer’s family if this final act is revealed. Sorry.)